Unabashedly conservative in my politics, I don’t often find myself agreeing with, much less quoting, President Barack Obama. But I agree with his views on fatherhood.
In 2008, as a presidential candidate, Obama gave a speech in which he challenged men to take their role as fathers seriously. “We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception,” he said. “We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child — it’s the courage to raise one.” Courage, indeed, Mr. President. And if the statistics are to be believed, America has a courage crisis on its hands. According to the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), 18.3 million children — one in four — live without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home. “Consequently, there is a father factor in nearly all social ills facing America today.” What kinds of social ills? The NFI reports that fatherless children are four times more likely to face poverty, seven times more likely to become pregnant as a teen, and are generally more likely to commit crimes, go to prison, do drugs, and/or drop out of school. In other words, America needs fathers. But you wouldn’t get that impression from popular media. According to a 2021 study conducted by the American Psychological Association, the depiction of fathers in the most popular sitcoms from 1980 to 2017 have steadily degenerated. “Over time,” the report states, “sitcom fathers are generally engaging less frequently in key parenting interactions and more frequently parenting in a manner that can be described as ‘humorously foolish’ compared with sitcom fathers of the past.” Christopher A. Brown, president of the NFI, concurs. He says that there exists in TV commercials a “double standard” for fathers and mothers. The typical commercial depiction of parents “involves competent, wise, emotionally connected mothers who must often rescue [the] fathers.” I’ve seen such depictions, but they never resonated with me. I never viewed my father as a man who was foolish or inept. And he certainly wasn’t the kind who needed to be rescued. On the contrary, Dad was usually the one doing the rescuing. Take, for instance, the time, several years ago, when I made a trip to Knoxville, Tenn. On my last night in town — a Friday — my car began making an awful noise. The mechanic shops were all closed, and I had to be back in Michigan on Monday to catch a flight to Las Vegas. So, I did what I had always done when I faced a difficult situation: I called my dad. Being a car guy, he asked me some diagnostic questions about the vehicle, and the prognosis was not good. Repairs could be made, but waiting for a mechanic shop to open over the weekend wouldn’t give me enough time to get home. So, he did what he had always done when I faced a difficult situation: he helped me. The next morning, my dad and grandfather rolled up in the truck, a trailer hitched to the back. They drove all night to get me and my sick car back to Michigan. That’s fatherhood. To be sure, there are plenty of bad fathers out there. But there are a myriad of good ones, too. And while the fatherhood crisis won’t be solved in a day, perhaps celebrating and encouraging the fathers around us, this Father’s Day, is a step in the right direction. Sure, the necktie and steak dinner are great. But there’s nothing quite like telling the dads in our lives how much we appreciate them and need them. I know I do.
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AuthorTy Perry is a writer based in metro-Detroit. Archives
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